It’s been a very stressful few months and I feel horribly that I’ve neglected my blog. I’m in a place in my life where I just feel unsettled. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis? I don’t really know what to call it.
My mother-in-law passed away last week after a fairly short but awful battle with throat cancer. In the end, her frail 78 year old body couldn’t swallow any food or liquids and breathing was extremely laboured. I would pay anything to be able to unsee the suffering she endured. Yet she did it with little complaining and grace.
To see her hug my 8 year old daughter, the grand baby she had waited so long for, and tell her how special she was, through welling tears in her eyes, was like a knife in my chest. How do you go on knowing that your days are numbered and, at least in this life, you’ll never see your loved ones again? It’s unimaginable really.
I guess we have these lessons to keep us on track with what matters in life. You definitely hold your loved ones more tightly and think more about the way you treat your body when you witness something like we did.
My mother-in-law and I weren’t besties but we definitely had mutual respect for each other. I respected that she raised a wonderful son who has been a loving man to me and my kids. She respected that I was a good wife to her son and caring mom to her grand babies. We got along well but we weren’t extremely close. My pain is for my husband who feels orphaned and my children who won’t get special dates with their Baba at the Dollar Store and McDonalds anymore.
And there is always the regret of “did we see each other enough”, “could I have tried harder in our relationship”? That thinking isn’t really productive I suppose. We can always do better.
No real words of wisdom here. Just an explanation of what our lives have been like as of late and a reminder to be kind to each other and cherish the time you have with your loved ones. We know this. We just forget to practice it every day.